Windows 10 Update Has ‘Business Proposition’ For You


25 July 2016

The Windows 10 Update popup has casually mentioned that you have a nice computer there and it would be a 'real shame' if something happened to it. Say you forgot to take up its very generous free offer of free Windows 10 in its last week and then some nutter went and smashed up your keyboard.

Microsoft VP of Revenue Luigi Rossi had this to say about their new marketing tactic “All we’re offering computer users is total peace of mind. You ought to be careful nowadays. Some lady out in Brooklyn she thought she didn’t need our protection and the very next day her DVD-drive caught fire. Happens all the time.”

“Extreme problems often require extreme solutions. For example look at this way you’ve carefully arranged all the icons on your desktop. Must have taken ages. Ooops—— Clumsy!”

Programmer Chris Powell had this to say. “I thought I was perfectly happy with Windows 7 but it turns out I was wrong. Is that it? Is that enough? For God’s sake can you at least let me know if they’re alive?”