Top Managers Devastated They're Not England Boss


27 July 2016

The World’s top football managers are expressing their shock and incredulity that they were overlooked for the world’s premier coaching role - that of England Manager.

“It’s a real kick in the teeth - I really thought I had a chance” said Zinedine Zidane of Real Madrid. “Now I’m stuck back at the Bernabéu having to choose between playing the likes of Ronaldo, Gareth Bale or Benzema when I could have been publicly defending Raheem Sterling’s diamond-encrusted bathroom sink. I’m lost for words.”

“I’m also deeply saddened that I now won’t have hordes of English reporters waiting outside my house, trying to take photos with long lenses through my curtains and hacking my voicemail. No, I’m not being sarcastic – high-fives are a traditional French method of expressing sorrow.”

Pep Guardiola of Manchester City added “I guess it will just have to be a dream for now and I’m going to have to make do with my £100m+ transfer budget this season when I could have been worrying about which championship team to scour to find a left back. To be honest I was really looking forward to the extra holiday you get after the first week of major tournaments. No—. No.., I can assure you these are actually tears of sadness “

A spokesman for Arsene Wenger confirmed that he would have been delighted to take the England job but that he felt was his work to make Arsenal the most consistent second placed team in the Premier League was still not complete.