02 September 2016Sombre ceremonies up and down the country today marked the 20th anniversary of the end of hostilities of The Battle Of Britpop in which Blur’s ‘Country House’ finally prevailed over Oasis’s ‘Roll With It’.
In London world dignitaries gathered and observed a minute of silence whilst wreathes in the shape of Liam Gallagher’s sunglasses and one of Alex James’s over-priced cheeses were placed on the memorial.
One of the oldest surviving veterans spoke movingly to the crowd “I was just a young lad back then at university and living in student halls. I kind of liked the Oasis track but you could dance more when drunk to the Blur one. Plus it rhymed ‘Balzac’ with ‘Prozac’ so we knew it was intellectually superior to anything that had ever come out of Manchester.”
“It really was a life or death struggle between two competing ideologies. On one hand you had a band with a gobby Northern front man. On the other you had a band with a gobby cockney lead singer. Sometimes Keith Allen appeared in their videos and at other remained neutral. ”
“On the final day we were all crammed into the kitchen listening to the radio. And when we heard the words of Mike Smith coming over the airwaves to say Blur had been victorious we just burst into tears as we were glad it was over and the could play something else now. They said it was like The Beatles vs. The Stones all over again. But only if they were both sh*t.”