31 August 2016The Irish Government has today condemned the decision by the EU to award the country 13 Billion Euros in back taxes from Apple and will certainly look into doing something about it. Straight after their usual weekly order of supercars given to all government officials has been delivered.
Irish Finance Minister Michael Noonan had this to say on the purchase “It’s really a matter of economy and value for the tax payer. Time spent travelling to and from the office can really add up for the civil servant. The Ferrari Enzos we’ve bought have a top speed of 221 MPH so they should be able to make their journeys in record time.”
“We were looking at the Ferrari 488 model but it’s really a false economy as for a measly 820,000 Euros more you get the faster V12 of the Enzo with a 0-60 of just 3.14 seconds so the time savings will soon add up.”
“Modern global corporate tax rules are incredibly complex” said Apple boss Tim Cook when questioned on the ruling “They span multiple jurisdictions and involve intricate calculations based on international trade flows. But let me try and simply sum it up for you... The money is mine. All mine. You can’t have it.”
When asked later if this ruling also had repercussions for the likes of Amazon and Starbucks the minister was unavailable for comment - though he was later spotted flicking through the pages of “Super Yacht World” while grinning broadly.