Farage Retires To Avalon Until Country Needs Him Again


13 July 2016

Legendary British leader Nigel Farage has been borne via barge to the Isle of Avalon and will return to Britain once more as its king in the country's hour of need.

“I know I’ve been finished off and retired to before Avalon before” said the self-styled ‘Once and Future King’ “Only to come back and put on the crown - but I promise this will probably only happen three or four more times or until Douglas Carswell becomes a Tory again.”

He confirmed that he would return when the nation’s hour of need was greatest such as if a mother is publically breastfeeding her baby in an ostentatious manner or a room was too ‘full of sluts’.

Farage’s water-bound journey to the mystical Avalon was made easier due to floods that were afflicting the country caused by the government's decision to legalise gay marriage.

In related news the estate of T.S. Eliot confirmed that “The Wasteland” was being given a contemporary update to feature the Labour leadership contest and Brexit repercussions.