EU Membership To Be Replaced By Wasps


14 July 2016

The Prime Minister has today revealed that the United Kingdom will trigger Article 50 sooner than expected and substitute the country’s membership of the European Union for a system of wasps.

“Britain has a proud history of wasps” said Theresa May this morning outside No.10 “And I have absolute confidence that— Christ they’re in my hair! GET THEM OUT! GET THEM OUT!”

New foreign secretary Boris Johnson added “The people have spoken and parliament should respect their well-informed desire to replace economic stability with evil yellow fu#%ers— STAY PERFECTLY STILL - Don’t try to move - you’ll only make them angrier!”

Jeremy Corbin is expected to give a mainly empty press conference later where he’ll point out that millipedes don’t actually have a million legs.