End Of TV Show About Dragons Ruins Everything


05 July 2016

The end of soft-porn & amour fetish program Game of Thrones’ sixth season (or wait is it the seventh – which is the one where The Viper fought The Mountain?) has slapped everyone in the world across the face and told them to stop focusing on its sub-Dungeon & Dragons themed public incest information hour and start worrying about the real world.

According to Joanne, mother of three from Ipswich “To be honest I should have been focussing the ongoing crisis in the Syria, the economic impact of Brexit and the terrifying thought of a ‘President Trump’ with his finger on the nuclear button. But all I could think about for the last ten weeks is how happy I am that Daenerys has been rescued by Jorah Mormont. At least I think that’s what he’s called – it’s hard to keep track of the 4000+ characters. Does the casting director get paid by the name?’

Show writer David Benioff had this to say on the painstaking work put into each episode: “With a show as important as GOT artistic integrity is paramount. When it comes to character development we work closely with George R. R. Martin and dozens of writers to make sure we create televisual drama of the very highest quality. Then if it’s exceeded its $100 CGI budget we kill them. Normally with some sort of axe as swords are more expensive - did you know that the White Walkers are actually just rendering mistakes from ‘Frozen’ that Disney let us have on the cheap?”

Alexander Francis Emeritus professor of Literature at All Souls college Oxford explained why the show continues to be a success: “Its genius is the way it combines two important narrative techniques.

“Firstly it references our own rich historical heritage which subconsciously supplements credibility with the viewer. For example King Robert Baratheon’s character arc is similar to that of Edward IV’s descent into ignominy while the scheming Petyr Baelish is undoubtedly a doppelganger of Thomas Cromwell.

Secondly it has loads of tits. F#ck loads of tits.”

[moves to the window and stares out of it wistfully for some time]