06 July 2016Sir John Chilcot today explained the reason the Iraq Enquiry took so many years was mainly down to finding a typeface that “Looked like Arial but not actually Arial and a bit more Bold if you know what I mean”.
“I tried messing around with the margins but it never looked quite right and for some reason kept saying Tony Blair is a War Criminal. I even tried switching from A4 to US Legal – No, that’s not a joke about the U.N. Please take this seriously.”
“In the end I decided to use Calibri but I was worried that some people might not have upgraded to Word 2007 so I decided to wait another four years to make sure the paragraph spacing would be more consistent.”
“Then just when I thought I had finished I went to save it a final time and I must have pressed the wrong key or something and it just vanished and I had to write the whole thing again. I think I may had some sort of virus on my laptop - No that’s not a joke about WMD’s please respect my authority - Yes, I was paid by the day, why do you ask?”
“Finally I went to Rymans to get the report bound with a nice light green cover but they’d run out and only had red which I thought would be inappropriate and when I returned a few months later there was quite a big queue to use the binding machine so I thought it best to wait two more years to be safe.”