Cameron Reappears After 14 Month Bender

   
  

11 July 2016

David Cameron has today turned up to work after a mystery 14 month absence with an embarrassed look on his face, stinking of booze and sheepishly saying “Hey Guys, So—. What’s been happening?”.

“On the morning after our General Election victory No.10 had run out of milk” explained the Prime Minster “So I just nipped out to the shops to get some but on the way I happened to bump into a mate on the way to the pub and he twisted my arm into coming for ‘just one pint’.”

“But then I got tricked into buying a round so I had to stay for the duration. The last thing I remember is we all started doing these random shots of, I think, it was Grappa, and I’ve never had the stuff before so it must have been that because I then seem to have skipped the next 14 months. Jesus— does anyone have any Neurofen?”

I’ve been having these really weird flashbacks where I was actually dared into calling a referendum on our EU membership and then it all went titsup—. Why are you all looking at me like that? Anyone fancy going to the pub – Hair of the dog and all that— Theresa May is what?!”