Bournemouth Wins Race To Sign Wilshire’s Injuries


01 September 2016

Jack Wilshere’s injuries have signed for Bournemouth on a season-long loan from Arsenal during a tense transfer deadline day despite fierce interest from other clubs who desperately need someone to sit down a lot.

“It’s a new era for the club’s physio and medical teams ” said Bournemouth Manager Eddie Howe “This is a firm statement to other teams in the Premier League that I can pronounce phrases like ‘Cruciate ligament’, ‘Exterior metatarsal’ and ‘We want our money back you French bastard!’.

Crystal Palace were a close second favourite to sign the physical impairments. “It would have been wonderful to have paid someone thousands of pounds a week to do nothing” said a spokesman from the club. “Just imagine the return on invesment if we’d won a trophy he’d had nothing to do with except appear on the top of the victory bus, drunk and wearing a pork-pie hat.”

“To be honest we're still a bit concerned whether this is the right team for injuries of Wilshire’s calibre” said Howe “After all Bournemouth is best known as a sleepy seaside town where the elderly and infirm go to retire at the end of their working life. Oh—.”