Arsenal 'Ready’ To Spend Money On Better Excuses


19 August 2016

Arsene Wenger says he is prepared to spend big on a major new excuse before the window closes on 31 August. Ideally a big-name excuse he can use up front to explain why they won’t win the title again this season.

A top pundit had this to say: “Every year for the past decade Arsenal have almost won the title by successfully nurturing cheaply imported young excuses but ultimately they’ve always fallen short and they end up getting transferred to a bigger more successful club or Spurs.”

“Another problem is that while they are often praised for their continental style of excuses the team often just end up passing the buck dozens of times between themselves without getting a result.”

Wenger defended his previous results at a press conference today: “You remember the tale of the hare and the tortoise? Slow and steady wins the race. If you average out the final Premier League positions since I started think you’re find who’s really winning. Please don’t question my commitment. You should see the size of my mortgage.”